I'm a gay bloke (who's a Christian)

I have just left my church, very quickly. 

I have NOT left my church because I’m gay and someone had a problem with it, I can cope with that.

I have NOT left my church because of *ANYTHING* to do with my sexuality. I am not in any kind of relationship and actually I find things quite lonely and hard to deal with. I would like to be in a relationship but I have two fantastic kids and a boat to look after and as I do 4 jobs I would find it hard to have the time.

My church and the leaders have been fantastic helping me through the difficult stages of coming out and dealing with my now ex-wife and children. It’s not because of any of that.

Ok so why I have left my church.

Firstly, there has been a situation occur, not to do with me actually but I have been dragged into it not out of choice but simply because a set of rumours, which are untrue has been circulated about me. I have been hounded and hassled by the people involved in the situation and being a boater it has caused a lot of friction. I’ve even had the offer of them being “dealt with properly” by some  of the boating royalty. Which as a Christian I cannot entertain. However tempting it might be.

I am not going to go into any details of the situation at all.  I think it’s wholly inappropriate to do so and would only make things worse for those involved.

I hope that the people involved will now leave me alone so that I can enjoy being part of a new church which I am joining.

The new church seems really nice and are accepting of me. I will not reveal which church I am attending for obvious reasons. I will continue as a Street Angel as long as I’m allowed.

I pray for everyone involved in this horrible unnecessary mess that it will be sorted out. 

Thank you to everyone for your kind loving messages. I will miss you. But this has to be done the situation at St Margaret’s makes it impossible for me to be there.

I have no hatred of anyone, the situation has been hard and painful for those involved and very stressful for me.

God Bless

Paul
PS you’ll be ok if I don’t phone you I hope and talk about it, I want to put it behind me and move on. 

Are these walls and towers on this island of my making?
When I look across the open sea
I see no one
Even though I have cast a thousand bottles with messages in
Still,
Nothing,
Occasionally a ship passes by
I wave but it is like the fog stops them seeing me
I remember the times that these walls were not here
I remember when I did not cast a bottle with a note into the ocean
Hoping for love
Hoping for hope
Because you were here
But now
There is just me
My walls
My hope
My dreams

I can play a whole lot of instruments
I speak two languages
I am a street angel
But without love it’s all nothing

Love is waiting for you 
Love is supporting you even though I desire more but can’t reach it
Love is laying my life down for you
Love is not being envious of those who are close to you when I want to be
Love is knowing you are a wonderful, fantastic, person
Love rejoices when you say how much you love me
Love wants to hold you, to weep with you, to laugh with you, to feel your pain
Love trusts you, hopes in you and confirms you.
I just hope my love for you will never fail and so will your love for me.

In short, I love, I wait, I rejoice, I weep, I hope, because one day I will be with you my love.

1 Cor 13:1-5 

Do the sands of time tick for us
The beating of the falcons wings
The playing of a harp
The soaring of an eagle.

When I hear your voice
My heart responds
Even your picture is like a beautiful landscape
When can I hold you

I wait on your every word
hold to every hope
That when I am there
You will also be there

I dream of your eyes
Staring into mine
Like arrows to my soul
That I lay down before you

I want to guard my heart
But you break through with one word
It seems sometimes as if you are a wonderful dream
That I never want to end

Come with me my love
Let us be free
Together
Like a song with it’s intricate parts

I love you Andre 

When I look into your eyes I can see it,
The love,
The hope,
I don’t know what to do with it,
Should I buy you flowers,
Take you for a meal,
Or should I just hold you,
Feel you heart beating against mine,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Dreaming,
Love is blind, or perhaps it makes you see what others cannot see,
Hear, what  others cannot hear,
Believe what others cannot believe,
To you my love,
To you,
Soon,
I will hold you. 

When I walked in front of your coffin,
WIth my brother,
My 8 year old crying in the pew,
It was the last place, in the last time I wanted to be,
But I would not miss it for the world,
When I stood to celebrate your life,
I played my heart out on every note,
My Mandolin notes tinkering the clouds that separate us,

My guitar pushing through,
My tin whistle seemed to transcend the dimensions of time, to where you are,

Every note like a flowing stream,

Every sung word, a message of love,
Sometimes, pain of loss becomes glue of love.
I wonder if the flowers in the arrangements knew their purpose,
I wonder if those sweets you gave out, knew they would jog our memory of you,

Dad, I know where you are, I will see you soon,

God bless Dad.

Love, you are like a bird,
The more I try and find you, the more you seem to spread your wings and fly away,
But when I rest,
You seem to settle next to me,
Just for a moment,
Until some, disapproving person takes you away,
Scares you off,
Banishes you from me,
Because they can’t handle people like me being in love.

Love, you see, is fragile,
Easily destroyed by the selfishness hawk,
Ripped to shreds by hate,
Fear,
But encouraged by hope,
Joy,
Goodness.
So let us love, hold and cry,
Because after all, the greatest of these, is, Love.

I am a street angel and last night I was out on duty, out of a pub in the town comes this young land and almost the first thing he said was “God hates me”, apparantly, because he was Gay some christian had left him with this view.

He then told us of how his friend who was Bi desperately wanted to find a church, she’d tried one but she over heard someone say “it’s not natural”.

SHAME ON YOU CHURCH 

It’s not natural? That’s like saying if someone isn’t a perfect white blonde person like Adam it’s not natural, if you are disabled or deaf, or perhaps different. Sounds like Naziism to me. Why don’t you just open concentration camps and send people there away from your PERFECT CHURCH.

I was able to reassure him that Jesus loved him and at least MY church would welcome and love him too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGawXVzkemE

Jesus, take the wheel,
Take it from my hands,
cos, I can’t do this on my own,
I’m letting go,
So give me one more chance,
Save me from this road I’m on,
Jesus, take the wheel.

I don’t know why, but this song really moves me.

Especially those words.

Save me from this road I’m on.

I know, for myself, I am very busy, I don’t stop. Because when I do, I feel alone and down. It’s like I’m scared to be alone but I know that’s the choice I make. But with him I’m not alone.

When he takes the wheel it’s as if he is holding me, as a gay person that means a different thing to a straight person, he’s not shaking my hand, I like John am resting my head on His chest, finding comfort in the Holy Spirit and His presence.

I pray tonight, that all of us, wherever we are, whatever we are tied up doing, might say to Jesus, I’ve had enough, I cannot go on anymore trying to make this life work. I’m sorry Lord for what I’ve done wrong.

Jesus,
Mighty Jesus, full of love and grace
Come,
Take the wheel.